Lockhart launches "No More Wood" campaign for chopsticks
International best-selling author Blake Lockhart has thrown his name behind a campaign to ban wooden chopsticks after suffering a subcutaneous piercing at an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant.
The 'No More Wood' campaign aims to get legislators to ban the sale and use of wooden chopsticks "due to the high risk of splinters and the potential for resulting infections," according to a campaign statement.
When reached for comment, Lockhart said he suffered a "terribly painful" splinter just a week ago while eating sushi. The incident prompted some soul-searching, the author said, during which he asked himself how he could use his fame and recognition to make the world a better place.
"Listen, there are plenty of alternatives to wood," Lockhart told a reporter from The Pulpman trade journal. "I just got myself a beautiful set of chopsticks whittled from rare elephant tusk. I also bought a set online that are supposed to be made from petrified whale penis. A really nice set made from polished rhino horn also caught my eye. You've got all sorts of material to make chopsticks from, so why do we continue to use wood? Are we an advanced society or what?"
The 'No More Wood' campaign is set to release a YouTube commercial featuring testimonials from stars like Bruce Jenner, the red-headed guy from Harry Potter, musical sensation Extreme, and many, many others.