Lockhart graces cover of health mag with '12-pack'
Lean and muscled author rumored to have 12-pack
Best-selling author Blake Lockhart is gracing the cover of a major health magazine thanks to the effects of his new ab exercise program.
Considered by many to be an "exceptional specimen of manhood" (in the words of Duchess Kate), and "a tall drink of water to the eyes" (in the words of Scarlet Johansson), Lockhart has puzzled his adoring readers for years. The brilliant writer does not appear to exercise, eats fried food, guzzles brandy by the gallon, and sleeps up to 16 hours a day, yet he seems to be chiseled from stone.
"It's one of the world's great mysteries, how you can daily eat your body weight in poutine and yet remain a stunning Adonis," said Dr. Oz. "We had a team of researchers examine Mr. Lockhart and they discovered what we believe to be the world's first '12-pack'. I'm talking about a rock hard, buff, sculpted, very well tanned 12-pack of muscle. We uncoiled his DNA strand by strand but could make no sense of it whatsoever. Whatever he's doing, I want some ..."
Lockhart, reached at his Virgin Island home, said he had just filed the trademark for the "Lockhart Maniac Ab Originator (LMAO)" which takes participants "through a series of different bending and stretching movements, you know, some of which require you to bring your fingers to your toes and stuff like that."
When asked if the LMAO was not simply a fancy and expensive (he is charging $300 per DVD online) version of the age-old sit-up, Lockhart scoffed and said, "this is high-tech human engineering and stuff, like orthodontics."